Are Men's Engagement Rings A Sign Of Equality?

Published on 19/02/10

Alan Zammit and Amy Scott had talked about marriage before. Somehow, the moment had never been right. Then one summer’s evening, 18 months ago, they were on holiday in Malta, fishing off an outcrop of rocks. The sun was setting, the spray from the waves golden in the last light of the day, and Alan turned to Amy. And he was rather surprised when she asked him to marry her.

“It was a bit of a shock,” he admits, before adding quickly, “I said yes straight away.” There was, however, a problem. “I’m not one for jewellery — I’m allergic to gold,” Alan says. “But I am one for sexual equality. And when she asked me to marry her I just thought, ‘Well, you’ve asked me to marry you, I want an engagement ring’.”

It seems, if H. Samuel are to be believed, that he is not alone. “A few years ago we found that customers were buying rings — such as titanium rings or wedding rings — and wearing them as ‘mengagement’ rings,” Natasha Gregory, a buyer at the jewellery chain, says.

Some were in same-sex relationships, but many, such as Amy and Alan, just wanted equality. And so, spying a gap in the market, a dedicated line was produced — and the concept of the mengagement ring in the UK was born.

With sales now reportedly growing, is this the start of a genuine social trend? Surveys suggest that attitudes towards female proposals have changed considerably in recent years. Two thirds of people are now entirely comfortable with women popping the question — with men even keener on the idea than women.

While many brides-to-be will follow tradition and ask for their partner’s hand on Valentine’s Day, that is by no means a requirement. But even with these changes, is a male engagement ring really necessary? Or, as some cynics would claim, just a silly fad? Eighteen months after he accepted Amy’s offer of marriage, and a year after he got the ring to prove it, Alan, 31, sits at their kitchen table drinking a cup of tea. Self-consciously, he rubs his engagement finger. Despite a row of neat-set diamonds the ring is, it has to be said, unmistakably male. Titanium, swish and chunky — from a range starting at £100 — it is a little like a plasma screen TV in jewellery form. A showy Mafia foot-soldier might consider it for a sophisticated knuckle duster. That same Mafia hood might also have a strong attack of buyer’s remorse, however, once his friends found out. Especially if they discovered it was called a mengagement ring. Alan refuses to use the portmanteau name, but he concedes that his decision to wear the ring — whatever it’s called — is unusual. “People think it’s sort of strange,” he says. “I didn’t realise it was so unique, I thought a lot more men would have engagement rings. My friends called me a bit of a tart. They thought it was a bit namby-pamby — they said I was under the thumb. But it was all in jest.”

Perhaps oddly, it is Amy, 24, who finds it the more embarrassing. “I work in a delicatessen, with a butcher’s attached,” she says. “I haven’t told anyone at work, especially the butcher’s. They would take the mickey, it would be terrible.” She visibly squirms.

“Cynics might think that this is just a way of cashing in on the spending for the big day, but our readers are excited about wearing wedding rings,” says Andrew Shanahan, editor of the men’s wedding website iamstaggered.com. “There’s no reason why some wouldn’t consider marking their engagement with a ring as well.”

Mengagement rings are merely the latest in a line of terrible puns to materialise in product form. Two years ago, the make-up world gave us manscara and guyliner, while in clothing longjohns were renamed “mantihose” by Selfridges and sold for silly money. The latex horror of the mankini, meanwhile, is best forgotten.

Most of these products could be considered niche at best — blatant publicity stunts at worst. What are the reasons, then, to suspect that mengagement rings will be any different?

The first, and perhaps most compelling, argument in favour of them is the relatively recent rise of its frumpier brother: the male wedding ring. For a certain generation, in Britain especially, to spot a husband wearing a wedding band is rare. Yet, for that same generation’s children, it is considered odd if newlywed couples don’t exchange rings. Admittedly, the UK growth in the acceptability of male wedding rings might have been hampered a little if they had been marketed as “medding rings”, but the precedent remains.

H. Samuel claims that since it launched the mengagement ring, demand has consistently grown from a low base and sales of male rings overall have risen by a third. For some, and not just H. Samuel’s shareholders, this can only be a good thing.